Resilience.
It’s a word we hear everywhere now — in boardrooms and newsrooms, in performance reviews and leadership seminars. Often, it’s spoken with admiration, other times with concern. We describe people as resilient when they’ve endured something difficult. We talk about building resilience in teams, as if it’s something that can be installed like a new CRM system. But what do we really mean when we use the word? More importantly, do we understand what it takes to foster it — not in theory, but in real people, in real roles, under real pressure?
For Dr. Carole Pemberton, Managing Director of Coaching to Solutions and Visiting Professor in Business Coaching at the University of Ulster, resilience isn’t a buzzword. It’s a field of practice, a research discipline, and, most significantly, a human necessity. Her interest didn’t begin in academia but in a coaching room, working with a leader she’d supported for years. He was the kind of professional many organisations prize — bright, driven, eager to stretch himself. Every new challenge followed a familiar rhythm: he’d take on something demanding, find it hard initially, then rise to it with force. Over time, it became a pattern she expected to repeat.
Until one day, it didn’t.
He had moved into a more complex role in a different part of the business. On the surface, it was another step up — the kind of transition he’d made many times before. But something was different this time. As their sessions progressed, Carole noticed subtle shifts. He spoke about his team with frustration rather than enthusiasm. There was no curiosity about what wasn’t working — only blame. When he described his boss, it was through a lens of betrayal, not collaboration. Physically, he looked depleted. Emotionally, he was brittle. He could only sleep if he’d exhausted himself with rigorous exercise. Each session felt like a temporary patch. Eventually, he burned out completely and was signed off with stress.
It was a moment that stayed with her. Not just because of the toll it took on him, but because of what it revealed in her — a sense of responsibility she couldn’t shake. She asked herself: How did I miss this? Why had she focused on fixing symptoms instead of stepping back to consider the whole picture? His return to work, and his willingness to confront what had happened, became the catalyst for her deeper journey into resilience. “I never want this to happen again,” he said. “Can you help me figure out how to do it differently?”
That was the beginning. Not just of his recovery, but of her doctoral research and what would become a much broader enquiry into how leaders — particularly those in high-pressure roles — experience setbacks, and how coaching can shape the story they tell themselves in the aftermath.
What Carole discovered wasn’t a new model or a step-by-step guide. It was something far more human: the realisation that resilience doesn’t emerge from bounce-back moments. It emerges from being stretched. And it doesn’t happen by accident — it happens through reflection, relationship, and the slow reconstruction of identity.
Resilience Is Not a Trait — It’s a Process
Much of the conversation around resilience still frames it as an inherent trait — something you either possess or don’t. But in practice, this belief is not only misleading; it can be harmful. It creates an unspoken hierarchy between the ‘resilient’ and the ‘fragile’, as if one group is more worthy of leadership, pressure, or trust.
Carole challenges this framing head-on. In her research, and in her coaching practice, she came to see resilience not as a fixed quality but as an evolving capability — one that is forged through experience, especially through adversity. It isn’t about bouncing back to where you were before. It’s about integrating what’s happened and becoming someone different as a result.
She uses the image of a slinky to bring this idea to life. The stretch in the slinky is what creates the energy for movement. In the same way, when we’re stretched as human beings — when something unexpected disrupts our narrative — that’s the moment that has the potential to create real change. But only if we pause long enough to process it. Only if we make space to reflect, rather than rushing to recover.
This insight is particularly relevant in sales and leadership environments, where the pace is relentless and the pressure to perform can leave little room for vulnerability. There’s often an unspoken belief that showing signs of strain is a weakness. But as Carole’s work reveals, ignoring the stretch doesn’t prevent the snap. In fact, it almost guarantees it.
The Quiet Collapse of Identity
One of the most powerful themes to emerge from Carole’s coaching and research was the way in which difficult experiences impact not just behaviour, but identity. When leaders face setbacks — whether it’s losing a major deal, being passed over for promotion, or feeling out of sync with their team — the external event is rarely the only issue. More often, it triggers a deeper, quieter collapse.
People start to question who they are.
A high performer who’s built a career on being seen as capable begins to doubt their own competence. A confident communicator suddenly feels like an outsider. These shifts in self-perception are rarely spoken aloud, but they are profoundly felt. And left unaddressed, they start to shape what people believe is possible for them going forward.
Carole found that people often move from one identity to its shadow version. From “I’m a strong leader” to “I’m weak.” From “I’m a winner” to “I’m a failure.” These aren’t conscious choices. They’re emotional defaults that take root in the absence of reflection. This is why coaching in these moments matters so much. Not to offer advice. Not to fix. But to create space for a new story to emerge.
Narrative as the Core of Recovery
What distinguishes Carole’s approach is her focus on narrative — the internal story someone tells themselves about who they are, and how that story either constrains or enables their growth. When resilience is shaken, it’s not enough to set new goals or take on new behaviours. People need to reconstruct the narrative that underpins those actions.
This process isn’t linear. In fact, one of the most important findings in her doctoral research was how recovery happens in waves. A client may articulate a powerful new insight in one session, only to arrive at the next full of doubt again. Progress is not a straight line. It moves forward and backward. But over time, the old story loses its hold, and the new one takes root.
Coaching in these moments requires patience. It’s not about rushing people to a resolution. It’s about walking with them long enough for a different version of themselves to feel possible — and eventually, true.
The Elements That Help People Rebuild
Across her research, Carole identified several recurring factors that supported people in regaining resilience. These weren’t techniques, but deeper themes that shaped how people responded to challenge.
One was purpose — not in the corporate slogan sense, but in the deeply personal way that gives someone a reason to endure difficulty. When people are clear about what matters to them, they are more likely to persist through uncertainty. In the sales context, this might mean anchoring in something beyond numbers: a commitment to excellence, a belief in service, a sense of personal integrity.
Another was resourcefulness — the ability to seek help, to find meaning, to remain curious even when the path isn’t clear. People who are resilient aren’t self-sufficient. They are connected.
Then there was support — but not just the kind that soothes. Carole emphasises the importance of what she calls “loving challenge.” Support that wraps its arm around you and then asks: And now what will you do?
Flexibility also played a role. Those who could let go of rigid expectations — about themselves, others, or the future — were more able to adapt. They could pivot emotionally, not just strategically.
And finally, there was the need for joy — for parts of life untouched by the professional narrative. Singing badly in a choir. Baking a cake. Going for a run. These were not distractions. They were lifelines — reminders that identity is broader than job title, and that perspective can be restored through pleasure.
What This Means for Sales Managers and Coaches
In high-pressure environments like sales, resilience is often spoken about in performance terms: “They bounced back from that target miss.” “They stayed tough under pressure.” But what Carole’s work shows us is that resilience is not just about external output. It’s about internal integration.
If you’re a sales leader or coach, the invitation is this: When your people are stretched, don’t just coach them on what to do next. Ask what story they’re telling themselves. Be curious about what part of their identity may be under threat. Help them reflect on what still remains true — even in failure.
Coaching resilience is not a separate skillset. It’s a lens. It’s about listening differently. Holding space differently. Trusting that with the right support, people can build something stronger from what tried to break them.
Where Do You Begin?
If resilience is learned — if it is rebuilt in the space between disruption and reflection — then the most powerful thing you can do as a leader or coach is to become intentional about how you create that space for others.
That starts with your own practice.
Before you can coach others through their stretch moments, you need to recognise the patterns in your own. Before you can support someone to reframe a limiting narrative, you need to listen differently — to them, and to yourself.
The first step? Learn how to become a coach in your own world. Not a fixer. Not an advisor. A coach.
That’s what the ILM Coaching for Sales Transformation Programme is designed to do.
You’ll learn how to integrate coaching into the reality of sales leadership — with tools, frameworks and reflective practices that build resilience, shift identity narratives, and transform the way your team thinks, performs and grows.
If you’re serious about leading differently — and more sustainably — this is where your transformation starts.
Explore the ILM Coaching for Sales Transformation programme
Final Thought: The Comeback Is Coachable
Resilience isn’t about bouncing back. That’s a myth. What we’re really talking about is the comeback — the process of returning, changed, but intact. That process can be messy. Emotional. Non-linear. But it is coachable.
And in that space — between who someone thought they were and who they’re becoming — lies the most powerful coaching opportunity of all.